I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
