Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
