i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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