Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
