We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
