some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
