I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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