I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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