He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize