I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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