There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
