do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
