gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
