went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
