party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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