Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
