Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
