I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
