After last night, I could never be a politician.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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