Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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