My first STD was from a foam party
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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