I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
