So drunk its hurt
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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