pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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