I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
