Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
