..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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