that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
