6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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