i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
