So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
