well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think my moral compass just broke
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
