So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
