We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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