I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
