on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
