Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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