I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
