Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
