THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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