How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
