It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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