I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
