Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
