she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
