idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
