I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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