First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
