I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
