Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
