I think I died a long time ago.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
