just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
