I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
