i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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