Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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