does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize