Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
