you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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