I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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