i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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