I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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