I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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