that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
