Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
honey bunches of taint.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
