Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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