Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you would pick up someone in the library
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize