I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
