I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
