Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
