The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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