So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Randomize
